chariczard

The first time I saw her..
Everything in my head went quiet.
All the ticks, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared.

When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments.

Even in bed, I’m thinking:

Did I lock the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
Did I lock the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.

But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips..
Or the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek.

I knew I had to talk to her.

I asked her out six times in thirty seconds.

She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going.

On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or talking to her..
But she loved it.

She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times at different times of the day.

She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk.

When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely lock the door eighteen times.

I’d always watch her mouth when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked;
when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges.

At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off.. And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off.
She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her.

But then.. She said I was taking up too much of her time.

That I couldn’t kiss her goodbye so much because I was making her late for work..

When she said she loved me, her mouth was a straight line..

When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking..

And last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place.

She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but..

How can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I touch her?

Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t.

I can’t go out and find someone new because I always think of her.

Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin.
I see myself crushed my an endless succession of cars..
And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on.

I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel..
How she turns shower knobs like she opening a safe.

How she blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out—….

Now, I just think about who else is kissing her.

I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once—he doesn’t care if it’s perfect!

I want her back so bad..

I leave the door unlocked.

I leave the lights on.

Neil Hilborn, “OCD” (via pigmenting)
thisisthatchick
irwiinn:

louie-key:

myinterpretation5:

thethneedler:

EVERYBODY SHOULD READ THIS!!!!!!!!!REBLOG…IT CAN SAVE A LIFE OR TWO!!!WARNING: Some knew about the red light on cars, but not Dialing 112.An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. Lauren’s parents have always told her to never pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc.Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called, 112 on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she was and there weren’t, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the way. Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.I never knew about the 112 Cell Phone feature. I tried it on my AT&T phone & it said, “Dialing Emergency Number.”Especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going on to a safe place.*Speaking to a service representative at Bell Mobility confirmed that 112 was a direct link to State trooper info. So, now it’s your turn to let your friends know about “Dialing, 112”You may want to send this to every Man, Woman & Youngster you know; it may well save a life. This applies to ALL 50 statesPLEASE PASS ALONG TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY, IT CAN SAVE A LIFE….

Works in Canada too guys, just tried it!

Reblogging for anyone of the feminine preference that follow me. (Or for general knowledge.)

lol my dad butt dialled 112 today and got walmart surrounded by cops
it actually works guys

irwiinn:

louie-key:

myinterpretation5:

thethneedler:

EVERYBODY SHOULD READ THIS!!!!!!!!!
REBLOG…IT CAN SAVE A LIFE OR TWO!!!
WARNING: Some knew about the red light on cars, but not Dialing 112.
An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. Lauren’s parents have always told her to never pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc.

Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called, 112 on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she was and there weren’t, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the way. 

Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.
I never knew about the 112 Cell Phone feature. I tried it on my AT&T phone & it said, “Dialing Emergency Number.”
Especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going on to a safe place.

*Speaking to a service representative at Bell Mobility confirmed that 112 was a direct link to State trooper info. So, now it’s your turn to let your friends know about “Dialing, 112”

You may want to send this to every Man, Woman & Youngster you know; it may well save a life. 

This applies to ALL 50 states
PLEASE PASS ALONG TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY, IT CAN SAVE A LIFE….

Works in Canada too guys, just tried it!

Reblogging for anyone of the feminine preference that follow me. (Or for general knowledge.)

lol my dad butt dialled 112 today and got walmart surrounded by cops

it actually works guys

zombieslayerswagg
stilettobandit:

themochagoddess:

grrrls-fighting-back:

crooked-boy:

sapphicnymph:

crooked-boy:

This man is a rapist. His name is Steven James and he is not 30 years old. He is 43 years old, a travel nurse, and a pedophile. Do. Not. Trust. Him.

This looks like OKC so if you use it and love around Raleigh, stay safe!!

(This is actually the tinder application which is a lot easier to hide on than OKC)-Steven James is active within the BDSM community and the adult entertainment industry. He targets young, white, single mothers. (my family were not his first victims) As a travel nurse he bounces from hospital to hospital in the tri-state area and is known to frequent Raleigh, Durham, Winston-Salem, Statesville, and Kernersville. He raped me for nine months from the day I turned twelve until my family moved out of his condo in winston salem. When I returned to Chapel Hill he continued to make trips to visit my family and abused me while he was here. In March of 2006 I disclosed about my abuse to my art teacher who contacted department of social services and the police. when Winston Salem authorities were made aware of the case they sent social workers to his home to ask him about the allegations. To avoid losing his nursing privileges he fled to Ohio for a few years until things died down. He is extremely dangerous, armed, and has extensive knowledge of technology (including how to find me should he see this). I am prepared for the backlash associated with this post and its reblogs. I am prepared to deal with the possible shut down of my blog for this post. I am prepared for him to find me. He has taken drastic steps to change his appearance, including what looks like botox and collagen injections. I am wholly positive that I am not mistaken. You do not forget the face of the person who killed what was inside you and you never will. I know that I will never get justice for what he has done and the subsequent events that followed my disclosure, but I hope that with this post he wont be able to ever hurt someone else.Thank you for all of the support i have received. Thank you for your words, your efforts, your reblogs, your thirst for justice.
Be safe, be aware, be critical.
E. 

Signal boost the hell out of this. This man is very dangerous. You could save a life.

Wowww, He’s all over NC. Stay safe people and be careful.

Oh shit, this is in my area. 

stilettobandit:

themochagoddess:

grrrls-fighting-back:

crooked-boy:

sapphicnymph:

crooked-boy:

This man is a rapist. His name is Steven James and he is not 30 years old. He is 43 years old, a travel nurse, and a pedophile. Do. Not. Trust. Him.

This looks like OKC so if you use it and love around Raleigh, stay safe!!

(This is actually the tinder application which is a lot easier to hide on than OKC)-Steven James is active within the BDSM community and the adult entertainment industry. He targets young, white, single mothers. (my family were not his first victims) As a travel nurse he bounces from hospital to hospital in the tri-state area and is known to frequent Raleigh, Durham, Winston-Salem, Statesville, and Kernersville.

He raped me for nine months from the day I turned twelve until my family moved out of his condo in winston salem. When I returned to Chapel Hill he continued to make trips to visit my family and abused me while he was here. In March of 2006 I disclosed about my abuse to my art teacher who contacted department of social services and the police. when Winston Salem authorities were made aware of the case they sent social workers to his home to ask him about the allegations. To avoid losing his nursing privileges he fled to Ohio for a few years until things died down.

He is extremely dangerous, armed, and has extensive knowledge of technology (including how to find me should he see this). I am prepared for the backlash associated with this post and its reblogs. I am prepared to deal with the possible shut down of my blog for this post. I am prepared for him to find me. He has taken drastic steps to change his appearance, including what looks like botox and collagen injections. I am wholly positive that I am not mistaken. You do not forget the face of the person who killed what was inside you and you never will.

I know that I will never get justice for what he has done and the subsequent events that followed my disclosure, but I hope that with this post he wont be able to ever hurt someone else.Thank you for all of the support i have received. Thank you for your words, your efforts, your reblogs, your thirst for justice.

Be safe, be aware, be critical.

E. 

Signal boost the hell out of this. This man is very dangerous. You could save a life.

Wowww, He’s all over NC. Stay safe people and be careful.

Oh shit, this is in my area.